So, you just picked up a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of a beautiful sunset in the Florida Keys. From the photograph you can tell there is a gentle breeze blowing in the evening sun as the palm trees are bend to the will of the summer breeze. There is a couple sailing on the horizon as sea gulls grab an early evening meal just shy of their boat. The view of the beautiful sunset puts you at peace and your desires are now to complete this puzzle that you may gaze upon its brilliance. So you begin the tedious task of putting this puzzle together. You're not sure whether you really have the time, but you convince yourself that by taking your time with it, you can complete your task in due time. You take even available minute of your day and dedicate it to the task at hand, and you build. You are now beginning to see this masterpiece come together, and it brings a smile to your face. And as you feel that you are drawing to close, the a CRUSHING realization... you're missing puzzle pieces. *cue GLOOM AND DOOM music* Now the question of the day, did you loose these puzzle pieces OR were they not there when you started i.e. did you EVER have a chance to begin with?
And so it is with relationships in the beginning. We want that picture perfect, image of a relationship and we do everything we THINK is right to build it up, and at some point, we find that we just don't "have what it takes". Its that unhinging, brutal truth that gets you. You NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE. And as gut wrenching and heartbreaking as it may be, is there a silver lining? REALLY?!? Is that "Vision of Love" enough? Is it worth counting up the pieces from the start? Is that even an OPTION? How are we supposed to know? Or it is the "mystery" that which DRIVES US? This blog offers no answers, just clever questions, expressed the way I felt the times when I realized that I was missing the necessary pieces to have the one I wanted. Its how I felt when I stepped back, away from the incomplete picture, and lamented at my failure and realized some pieces I legitimately lost along the way, FOR THOSE, I am the blame. But the pain of not having had a chance at all, is not of my design and all my "swag" or "chivalry" or "personality" etc could have changed that...
...regardless, I'm taking of moment of silence for the Death of MY Swag (or whatever you want to call it)...
...My Ego Has Taken More Shots Than I Care To Count, And In This Moment, I Am Down And Out For The Count...
...as if lying here sulking really counts...
...I counted the cost of going on and I'd rather lie here if I may...
...comforting in the sleep of my death...
...morning my ego...
... and eventually becoming...
...and even COCKIER BASTARD cause I change like the seasons...
...in winter lying in wait for Spring...
SO, if you can bare my sorrow today, you'll see arrogance tomorrow...
HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR COAT.....................................................................................................
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